Old men and throwing up are my life now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
