I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
