are you still at the devil's house?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
