I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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