Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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