I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
