lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
