i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
