There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
