He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
