he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
