so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
