my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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