In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
