I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize