ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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