A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
