Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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