And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
