Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
