have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
