Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
