it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wear drunk well.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
