Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
