Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize