apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
