Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
