Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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