Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
