How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
