Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
