Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
