did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
