By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
