I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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