Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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