Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
