Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
