After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
