I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
