my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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