his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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