I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
