'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
