She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
