Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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