I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
