If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They have beer where we have blood.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
