Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
