I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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