I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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