remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
