I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
