FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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