Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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