I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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