Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
