Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
