My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
