3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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