woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
