i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
