well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
