Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
