i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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