Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
