sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And then he peed in my hair
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