How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need moral support for this bender
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia