no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
