She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek