guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.