You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
