FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
